With the passing of my mother and the realisation of how short life is I felt I needed to write about this and call it out.
Simply put this is a question of selfish, self-adulation, ego driven attitude and behaviour which 99.9% of the time is just an annoyance. But if in the other 1 in 1000 times being an a***hole results in something serious and consequential then when you run the numbers there will be thousands of people being a***holes in a serious way. We therefore live in a society where a pool of good people can do bad things at a regular rate for being guilty of simply being a bit of an a***hole.
So the key definition: somebody who speaks and acts in a way to others which they themselves would not tolerate from another directed at them. It’s an asymmetry - everyone else should follow rules etc. but I’m different. I’m special. It doesn’t matter this once for me.
Most of the time most of us slip into this mode as a form of laziness. But some people genuinely live their lives this way. They are the true a***holes and we should be wary of them.
They are the queue jumpers, the illegal parkers, overtakers, spoilt children of other a***holes who made it big because they were the biggest gaping a***holes around.
But seriously - they could kill us. They make life harder than it needs to be and they make it less likely as time goes on that we can live in a society that is safe and one which our children can be happy in.
No laws, rules and regulations can give us the society we want. No culture or religion can save us from them either. We have to rely on a critical number of people being genuinely good people and having compassion and empathy. Here religion, culture and upbringing do matter.
If we see an a***hole growth then the snow-ball effect of ‘shat’ begets ‘shat’ continues. The vast majority of people are good people at heart. They are just sometimes lazy, don’t know better or are just behaving as those around them do. It's hard not to be an a***hole when surronded by them.
So don’t be an a***hole and just remember the maxim: if someone else did/said this would I be happy. It’s that simple!
At the heart of being an a***hole is dishonesty - mainly dishonest with yourself. Those thoroughbred a***holes are the ones who even having taken all this into account still truly convince themselves they would be happy if others behaved as they do. This entry level bullsh*t is the beginning of the slippery slope to an all out make belief view of the world with themselves at the centre and everyone else the culprit. They are true believers in the world which they created, they are their own God and us their dominions. They are hypocrites, and yes hypocrites by definition are a***holes. Religious ones are the worst, or more generally the ones who claim the highest ground.
But thankfully they are still the few, though I believe increasing in number in the 21st century with the advent of the f***ery which is social media.
Don’t be an a***hole, it’s nicer for you and the rest of us. You’ll be a better person and you will be the beneficiary.
What can you do
Be patient, be compassionate, be understanding. It’s ok to point out somebody’s an a***hole. But do it with love not hate, do it to help not put down. Do it as an act of forgiveness not punishment. Calling someone out as an a***hole whilst being one, well you know what that means.
In memory of Manjit Kaur 1962 - 2020. Please consider donating the Marie Curie in her name here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/manjitkaur20
You were, by far, one of the ‘a**holes‘ aka ‘Nidar Singh’s’ biggest chamche (spoon) so much so that you would do his children’s homework for him. You worshipped the ground he walked on to the point that you were his yes man. You ridiculed those he would ridicule, sucked up to him as a means to gain favour, validation, acknowledgment and to appear ‘morally superior’ to others by indulging in rumour and gossip mills, spread by Mr Bains (‘Nidar Singh’) as a foundation to promote his malicious and narcissistic intentions and narratives. You, as with most of his cult followers, cannot and will not accept accountability and or responsibility for your actions and again, will not accept or even have…